Support Your Freedom, Support Yourself: A Call To Action

I will endeavor to explain myself in every way possible throughout this blog. I am going to make some assertions, and I want to be as clear as possible, so if I in some way fail to be clear please let me know in the comment area.  Please do not just argue with me, or bother disagreeing as I will just delete your comment.

Firstly, I want to say that most of these statements will be based around the ideas of objectivism.  A quick recap, objectivism is the philosophy that asserts there is an external world that a person can be aware of through their senses. It maintains that senses lead to perceptions, which in turn can be used by the rational and conscious mind to make decisions used to improve a person's life.  Now, this philosophy necessarily employs capitalism as it's economic AND political system.  The idea of capitalism as a political system is foreign to most people, and that's not a surprise.  It's a relatively obscure idea, but when you consider it, it appears to be the best thing out there.

Currently, this country has a mixed economy, although more of the money is controlled by the government than the people.  This is against what the founding fathers were in favor of, and it is un-American for the government to play such a role in our daily lives.  Again, that was what the Revolutionary War was fought for.  But you might say, "Caleb, the government doesn't play a role in my every day." Untrue.  The government has progressively taken more and more money from the people without representation than at any point in history.  Consider this: out of every paycheck about 9% is taken out or taxes, give or take a bit.  Now, on top of that, when you spend money at the store there is a sales tax between 7 and 9%, depending on the product.  And if you buy something that qualifies as owned, then you must pay taxes on it every year.  That is property tax.  So they tax what money you make, then they tax you when you spend it, and if you have bought something large, or if you own property then the government taxes you for owning it.  Whew, the government taxes you for everything!   

Imagine a system where you were free.  The only role the government played in your daily life was to provide a police system in case your rights were violated, a court system in case you had an issue with the law or another person, and a military system, in case the nation you lived in came under attack.  Under this system, you would be free to buy what you wanted, make all the money you could rightfully earn, and do what you wanted with who you wanted.  Marijuana wouldn't be illegal because it is a victimless crime.  Speeding would be illegal because people are put at risk by reckless action.  Drunk driving would also be illegal, but drinking would be legal for all citizens because it is a personal choice.  Owning a gun would be legal because people have a right to hunt and defend themselves, but shooting a person or damaging another's property would be illegal because it infringes the rights of another.  There is an old saying, "Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins."  This would be the case of this government.  If you go about your day without hurting others you could whatever you wanted.  Want to stay out all night drinking?  Okay.  Want to travel somewhere?  Go do it.  Anything you want to do you can do as long as it does not infringe on the rights of another.  Sleep with who you want when you want as long as both are consenting.  Rape is obviously infringement on another's rights, but if both people are willing, then both are able to enjoy what they want to do.

And here I will fight the first argument against this pure form of Capitalism.  In our current society, the one where the government owns most of the money and you only have a right to property if the government decides it does not need it, we have come to rely on the government to fix everything.  They provide roads, but they take your money to pay for it.  They provide schools that people complain about sucking, but they take all of our money to pay for it.  If you never have kids then you are still paying.  Socialism is what we are getting close to.  The government says that they want something and we all have to do it.  The government, it its current form, produces nothing.  I know how that sounds, and it seems illogical.  "Caleb, you just said they make all these things!  How can you say they produce nothing?"  Simple; money is only worth something when it can be exchanged for something else.  A dollar is worth nothing if there is nothing to buy with it.  Imagine if you had all the money in the world, but people traded with one another instead of using money.  All those pieces of paper in your wallet would be worthless!  And the government does not produce anything that your money can buy.  Consider a road, and the workers needed to create it, and the hard materials needed to actually rest on the ground, and on the equipment needed to flatten the ground first.  All of those things must be created and used and paid for.  But the government did not earn the money to pay for those things.  The government took that money from citizens and then the government decided how to use it.  I will give you a personal example. 

I work at Hastings in Warrensburg, and I like my job.  Every hour I stand there and ring up customers who pay their rightfully earned dollars in exchange for  product created in the private market that they decide they want to use.  And every hour I stand there I get paid a little over 7 dollars by my private employer in exchange for my effort.  I wish I got paid more, but I am not doing a task that nobody else could do, so I suppose my wage is fair.  But for each hour I stand there earning my money, the government takes 8% and decides how to use it.  This money is used to pay for roads, and much more, but more on that later.  One road they pay for is 13 highway.  Every time it rains, potholes over a food long and two or more inches deep appear.  They have appeared every rain since I moved to Warrensburg.  That is 3 years of driving through or around potholes since I moved here.  They are taking my money and not even supplying a product I can really use.  I avoid that highway until I have seen work crews out there.  Now consider, they are taking the money from every person working in Warrensburg, every person buying products in Warrensburg, and yet every driver of that road is suffering the same conditions.  

A private contractor understands the need to produce in order to survive as a businessman.  If a private contractor created a road like 13 highway and kept it in the condition that 13 hwy is in, then that contractor would not get a job after doing such a poor job.  If another, rival contractor, came into Warrensburg and said they could do the same road in a better condition, they would make more money and be worth more because their effort would be worth it.  Why would you buy a weaker product for the same money that a better product can be bought?  No reasonable person would do that.  But the government does not trust people to be able to maintain their own lives.  The government expects people to need them and in the last 5 or so decades, the government has become larger and larger, and it no longer expects people to be able to support themselves.  The government does not trust you, so it takes your money and uses it how they think it needs to be used.  Do you agree?


That last one may be the worst waste of your money.  And I think it is important to not call it "government money" because it is not earned by the government.  It was taken from taxpayers, from me, from you, from your mother and father and grandmother and grandfather, and your children and your boss, and your coworkers and your husband or wife.  The government instituted policies but did not pay for it itself.  It paid by appropriating money and charging taxes. 

And this brings me to a hot button topic.  Planned Parenthood.  And I now face the toughest group of people to talk to, those that see how something benefits them and accepts that if it is good for them then it is good.  They ignore that something is unethical because they in some way are better off for it.  Just like the Nazis were better off with less people to fight when they killed saboteurs and dissidents, these people view the government in terms of benefiting them.  They rarely consider how the government pays for something and even more rarely care.  I had an argument with a friend who argued on behalf of planned parenthood because she got her birth control from there.  Now, birth control is a remarkable invention, but I shouldn't have to pay for it.  If you have been in a long term relationship for years, you are still paying for her to be able to sleep around.  If you have been married, or if you abstain, you are still paying for her to get birth control and for her to get checked.  The only people benefiting from her use of planned parenthood are her and the people she lets into her vagina.  Regardless of your opinion of birth control, you are paying for it.  Further, planned parenthood assists in abortions, either by referral or procedure.  I am in favor of a person having a right to an abortion if they want one, remember, I believe in freedom.  But many disagree.  True, abortions must be paid for by the abortee in the event of an abortion, but in some cases the taxpayers do pay.  Events of rape or if the birth could be harmful to the mother are situations under which a woman may receive an abortion paid for by you.  You've paid for abortion and condoms and the pill and std testing regardless of if you have a uterus or if you have ever had sex!  That is why I am against funding planned parenthood.  Think about it logically: if you are mature enough to have sex, aren't you mature enough to take precautions?  If you want to have sex, you must be prepared for the possible outcomes: pregnancy and stds and emotional baggage.  These things can all occur, and they are your responsibility.  What's next, are we going to pay for people who have their hearts broken by someone they sleep with who never calls them the next day to go to counseling?  Ridiculous.

And people argue that theses institutions are good because they help children of the poor.  But ask, why is someone poor?  What is that they did that put them in that position?  I am poor, but I get by by working and reducing my expenses to a level that is affordable.  But there will undoubtedly be people who argue that if someone is poor and they have children then they must be taken care of.  I agree, those children are a moral duty of the parents.  Every parent must be prepared to take care of any children they choose to bring into the world.  But THEY must be responsible for THEIR children.  I am not responsible for the children that I have not chosen to bring into the world.  That's why I keep my reproductive equipment out of situations I am not prepared to personally support.  You and I are paying for children we did not chose to bring into this world.  Consider a family, lets say they make $15,000 a year.  One father, one mother, one child.  Money will invariably be tight.  But it is possible for a family to get by in that situation if both parents work and if both try to improve their situation.  But if a family in that condition chooses to have 3 more children, can those people really be said to be considering what is best for them?  Why then, if they are not willing to prevent the pregnancies, should I be required to pay for the outcome of such pregnancies?  Why, if a person makes a bad decision, do I have a duty to support them?  I do not.  But charity is a personal choice. If I should choose to let one of their children stay with me, or if someone should choose to adopt one of those children then that person has a right to do so, if the parents are willing to allow it.  No person has a right to my labor and effort but me, and since it is my money and effort, I can apply it where I choose.  That means I can buy birthday presents for those people I care about, I can give rides to people who I want to help, and I can donate money if I feel like it is something I want to do.  But the government disagrees.  It thinks that we have a right to some of our labor, but that they know how to spend our money better than we do.  They think that we have to support those people who have not demonstrated capability ineptitude.  They support those who have not succeeded by fining those who have.  Taxes on the wealthy to support the poor?  That is robbery.  If a person succeeds in this nation then they become a target for the leeches.  If you manage to make good decisions in life, if you become productive, if you rise up and make more money then you are rewarded by money in the private marked, but are given a bullseye to wear on your back by the government.  Their edict; "You have succeeded, so you must support those who have not."  Capitalism's edict; "You have succeeded, do what you will and know that you will live or die by your own hand."

Friends, this is a call to action.  Support capitalism and you support your self, you support your freedom.  Do not encourage those who ask you to surrender your money to their causes.  Do not allow yourself to be guilted into supporting the weak.  If you are a producer, produce.  If you are a survivor, survive.  If you choose to live, live.

"We (the first Americans) hold these truths to be self-evident (so obvious that nobody could contend them because of their fact-based nature) that all men are created equal (nobody is born destroyed, but they manage that by their own hands) that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable (cannot be taken by anyone) rights (which are yours without you having to work for them) that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." Constitution of the United States of America

It is a shame that our modern government and worse still, our people, are working to destroy what this country used to represent. My call is this:


 Believe in freedom, work for your own happiness, enjoy and live your life, and support yourself.  Nobody has a right to you but you.
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Masturbation Is Sex With The Person You Love The Most

Okay, the topic for today's blog is dreams, and a subset of dreams, love.  So, to clarify my points, I am talking about dreams in the sense of those experiences when you are asleep.  Not aspirations, those things should make sense.  I'm talking about the nights where you wake up and you say to yourself "But I've never even met Michael Keaton."  And love needs to be defined here also, so lets get on that.  Love is an emotion, and also a condition, and, in a way, a place. So that is pretty broad, I understand, but roll with me here.

Lately, my dreams have pushed towards the exceptionally unusual.  I have always had dreams about crocodilians, because they terrify me.  And I have daddy issues, so there is that also.  And I think that if you hit 15 years old and haven't had a sex dream, something in your life needs to be evaluated, so naturally I have those.  Not saying my life doesn't need to be evaluated, because that's kind of what I am doing here, but I'll be explicit for the sake of clarification: I have sex dreams occasionally.  But lately they have been more vivid and varied, and frankly, they have been a little weird.  Interestingly enough to me, lately my dreams have included things that I could not have come up consciously.  In one dream, a person had been choked to death and the blood vessels in their eyes were ruptured, which would not have occurred to me even if I was awake.  And a couple of nights ago, I dreamed that a new street was being put through my house.  When I argued that the road was unnecessary, I was shown a street map, which my unconscious had obviously generated, and a man explained the plan to me and refuted my arguments validly.  I lost an argument to my unconscious.  How does that possibly work?

As a good segway to discussing love, I recently had a dream with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.  Sadly, I forgot her face shortly after I woke up, but these things happen.  She was  gorgeous, and I remember thinking her nose was something special. I looked at her and I felt love.  (segway accomplished)  But in the dream it was just a feeling.  An emotion was generated based on my brain chemistry and whatever.  I felt love, but I was not in love, because she did not really exist.  Existence is a necessary condition of love.  I exist, so what I love must also exist.  More specifically, who I love must exist, or else it's all just nonsense.  

So, I am going to share my opinion of love.  Of the condition of being in love, of which the brain chemistry and the feeling are a portion.  To say you are in love is to say that you are meeting all of the conditions under which a person can be said to be loving something.  And I hope everyone feels that at least once in their life.  And I'll tell you something, nobody is in love all of the time.  I have loved a ton of things in my life. I have loved a few people.  I love my mother, my little brother and sister.  That is familial love, and I love them, and all conditions are met to make me have affection for them.  I love technology.  I love that it works sometimes, I love that it is so remarkable and that it is greater than what used to be imagined to be possible.  The internet is one of the top 10 greatest inventions ever.  I can get information about the other side of the world from space delivered to a piece of metal and plastic in my pocket with the touch of a finger.  Think about that for a moment, and if you don't understand how that is important, go outside and stand in traffic until something man-made hits you at high speeds. 

Romantic love is more  elusive.  I loved a girl once, with everything I had. We were very happy for a time.  I loved her, was in love with her, and she returned to me the same.  It was wonderful. But as they say, all good things must come to an end, and we weren't long for this world.  I could go on about afternoons spent in bed looking at each other and talking, and about whole days worth of time spent on the phone talking about life, and the world.  But we weren't compatible as time went on, and we separated, and after a time we broke up.  And that was tough.  No, doubt, that was the start of so many moments to come right there, breaking up with Sarah.  That was something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, that feeling of having a person you care so much about taken from you by your hand, but it is also something everyone needs to feel because it is an eye-opener.  You really feel when you go from love to pain in moment.  But the conditions for being in love with her were not withstanding the reality that we were headed different places in life.  I'm a graduate student now and she can't finish her Associate of Arts degree.  I love ideas, she loved feeling, I felt only a minimal obligation to my family, she was obedient to them in so many ways.  We split apart in that way.  I suppose, looking back on it, and even then I  knew it, we were perfect in all the small ways, but on the big issues we were leagues apart.

And there was another a few months after that that I thought I loved at the time.  She was a fireball, that was a true flash-in-the-pan relationship.  Beth and I cared for each other for a while, and then the inverse of that came about.  Affection turned to a desire to see each other ended in a matter of 2 weeks or so.  Funny how a friend sleeping with your ex you cared about can turn you against both of those people.  But that relationship too was an eye-opener.  I learned that a nice body and a an enjoyable conversationalist can be a nightmare if that person might someday show up at your doorstep with a bloody knife.  I'm dramatizing this of course, but not by much.

But I have always been attracted to the crazy.  First few girls I ever had a thing for were all kinda crazy, at least to some degree.  Theatre chicks, I've always been attracted to them.  Those tend to be people who already have a few characters in their heads before they start standing on stage yelling to the rafters in front of crowds.  And that brings me to Clementine.  Real name Megan, you are beginning, I hope to see what is going on here.  She was just not a good fit for me.  We agreed on the major issues.  We could talk for hours about complex issues, we agreed a lot, and we could have fun together.  But over time, roughly about the time we moved in together, we started to see the worse in each other.  We had no space anymore, and we were getting annoyed with each other hour by hour.  I hated how she would never do what she said she would, she hated that I was always at the house and wanted to know what she was up to.  Undoubtedly, we were a terrible match.  And that ended before she even moved out.  And she moved out as soon as we could get her gone.  Actually, moving her out was the most productive we were towards each other over a period of 2 months.  

But, on the upside, I've learned something from each girl I have dated.  I've learned that you have to be honest with yourself, that you have to put your feelings after your thoughts, because if you know something in your head, it is probably true, but your emotions just want to be fueled.  Your mind wants you to be in a better place, and your emotions just want to be felt.  And if things are going south, get out before they go supernova.  And if you doubt something, explore it, don't just hope that it goes away.

Romantic love is elusive, as I said before.  For me especially I suppose.  Someone that agrees with me on the big issues?  Where am I going to find a good Capitalist in this region?  Where am I going to find someone who prefers reason to emotion?  Someone who understands physical intimacy like I do?  Okay, that last one isn't difficult at college, but still.  Someone who makes me feel better and think better that I can do the same for?  It's practically impossible.  Even if I had the whole world open to me I would face difficulty there.  Plus, I'm moving in a year or so, meaning if I began something now the only way that relationship would end would be in pain, either by leaving or a fight.  

So I stick to myself.  I don't keep any close friends, partially because most people don't care for my opinions, but also because I like doing what I want when I want.  I outlined once what my perfect woman would be.  She'd be: part Italian, art Russian, theatre person who likes art but prefers discussions on architecture and other usefulforms of art to art that does nothing, a musician, violin and piano, who composes her own concertos in her spare time, a princess of a small island nation where she has a mostly ceremonial position but that still garners her some serious respect.  When it comes to looks, there is a lot of leeway there, as I like women of all shapes and sizes, but the personality is what I think is impossible.  So if you find a single girl meeting these qualifications, give her my number.  

Tomorrow's post will be whatever the hell I want it to be.  I'm thinking about breaching the sex issue tomorrow, or perhaps whatever strikes my fancy.  It'll be a surprise.  And if you really read this whole thing, kudos to you.  Now go play outside.
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I Don't Play Guitar

Today I woke up early, about a quarter past noon.  I laid in bed until around one thirty, when my friend Rachel told me to get out of bed because she had come over to my place and wanted me to get some sunlight.  Honestly, she made a pretty good call. We went to a park and swung some on the swing set.  My oldest memory is of swinging.  My grandfather used to push me for hours, or what seemed like hours, when I was a little kid living with him and my grandmother.  On my mom's side.  That is specificity that is required I suppose.  The sun did me good.

But now there is a choice.  What do I do with my afternoon?  I am blogging now.  But I have options for the day.  I am going to move Angel's electric piano into my living room, and plug that in.  Do I read Atlas Shrugged and annotate the sections I wanted to while listening to it on audio book?  Do I do the dishes that so desperately need to be done?  Do I practice piano?  Do, dare I say it, study for class?  Now I need to make a decision, and I can feel myself falling towards the path of least resistance.  That is always what I take.  The path that allows me to do the least.  That is why I am where I am.  My ideas are such that, with a lot of  effort and some flashes of brilliance, I could be a successful writer by now.  I go maybe three or four days between writing down general story ideas.  I have the beginnings to a huge number of either novels or short stories.  But the endings are so rarely varied that I feel no compulsion to write them.

I imagine myself differently than I am.  I know that to be true.  I visualize myself as a decent human being with great capacity for thought and intelligence, while the reality is that I am a decent human being with a great capacity for creativity and an average capacity for thought and intelligence that never uses either.  That's not entirely true.  I am not a complete dunce, and I make good decisions, when one is obviously possible without much effort.  That's my problem, effort.  I need a live in assistant to get me up and writing and going to class.  I want to skip class tonight.  I wouldn't pay attention if I went, and then I would try to bullshit my way through.  And I would do fine, because I am a master bullshitter.  But I also want to just do my own thing.  I don't care about my education right now.  I can't get much out of the English field right now.  It's all postmodernism.  And postmodernism is bullshit.  Maybe that's why I was able to slide through classes for so long without studying.  But postmodernism, all of it, is useless. Contributing to the fall of our civilization.  Or something like that.

This web-log is masturbatory.  The word "I" has been overused in it.  But then again, I own it, so I get to use "I" as much as I want.  4 times in that last sentence.  There's something for you, numbers versus #s.  If you are using a number less than, what is it, twelve, you're supposed to type it out.  At 13 you use the number.  But I have a whole keypad for #s, so I am going to use #s as much as possible.  I hope you're understanding what I mean.

I don't play guitar.  I wish I did.  I need someone to teach me, just me, for an hour or so a day.  I could probably learn it relatively quickly. But then what?  I doubt I would use it. I have no illusions of being a rockstar, no real illusions.  I would love to stand in front of thousands of people and have them all worship me and what I created, but rock and roll just isn't something I'm cut out for.  Too many other people are involved in the creative process.

Lets find out this one, I'm not here to please you, but if I gave you 3 options on what you people wanted to hear my thoughts on tomorrow, what would it be?  Love, Post-Modernism, Physics.  Take your pick, and tomorrow, you'll see what you get.
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Prologue: Where It All Begins

Beginning at the beginning.  Seems like a reasonable enough place to start right?  Well, if you are reading this, which I doubt you are, then there are obviously a few implicit premises in me writing this.  The premise that is most relevant is that I have a reason for this blog.  The reality is actually pretty masturbatory: I am having a hard time finding people around me that I want and can spend time with, and am therefore reaching out the the net to commiserate.  Not with anyone else really, but just myself.  I've become completely disenchanted with the notion of people having good ideas or common sense, and am more or less using my little corner of the net to bitch.  So let's get right to is, shall we? WARNING: THIS BLOG WILL NOT BE EDITED TO APPEASE ANYONE.  SINCE THIS IS MY PERSONAL CREATION, IT WILL BE COMPLETELY TRUE TO ME AND THEREFORE WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY CONTAIN STATEMENTS YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH.

1. I've been wanting to write a book for some time now.  I have 36 pages of it done, but that was over 6 months ago that I last finished a chapter.  I have a desire to have the book done, but not a desire to sit in front of my television and work on it. I think this is a many-fold problem.  I'm very revitalized by the sun. But I sleep through most of my days and am up for a good many of the nights. This is obviously a schedule not conducive to a productive working environment.  Moreover, I always want to be doing something more passive than I am at any given moment.  I understand just how lazy that sounds, but it is the truth.  My life is one large negative-stress relief model.  That is really not how a person thrives.  Hopefully this blog will encourage me to write more and strive to be at least marginally more productive.

2. I am very disappointed in the way people think these days.  Or rather, I am disappointed that they so rarely do think these days.  My friends are traditionally more liberal, as that is the crowd that I am used to being with.  However, I am not liberal, as I used to be.  I am more of an objectivist than anything.  To summarize what that means briefly, it means that I know there is an objective reality, and I understand that the truth is that which corresponds with that reality.  I am alive, meaning I must place values where they belong in order to continue my existence.  That means needing to be selfish in order to thrive.  This is not selfishness as most people understand it, but rather, it is the dedication to the self above all other things.  This means doing what one must to be productive and to thrive.  I have not been doing that lately. I have not carried a healthy diet, I have spent too much money, and I do not produce as I would like to.  All in all, that's why I am disappointed in myself.  But I am looking forward to changing that.  It is healthier and cheaper to eat in, so that is what I am trying to do more.  And I'm writing, obviously, so that will make me see a greater value in myself.  
But, getting back to people.  Many people are under the influence of religion, of which all are a form of mysticism.  I do not understand how Christians and Jews and Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus do not see themselves as worshiping a form of mysticism, but they so rarely do.  There is ultimately no way to view these people as anything but ridiculous.  They do not understand certain aspects of the universe and then attribute those things they do not understand to mystical forces.  The Greeks did this in what is now considered to be a laughable manner.  Thunder would split the sky and people would attribute it to Zeus.  The sun rose and set and people attributed that to Apollo. That was not the case then, and it is no more the case now that a mystical God controls all of these natural phenomenon today.  That just isn't the case.  Science every day explains how our world works in ways we previously did not understand.  Ghosts are constantly being shown to be hoaxes or fakes.  The world exists, and some of the things in it are beyond the realm of what human beings can initially understand.  But that does not mean that it is supernatural.  In fact, the supernatural is a misnomer. There is no supernatural, only the natural.  If it appears in our universe then there is a cause and explanation for it.  Religions seek to answer the questions that previously were unanswerable by resorting to hocus pocus, but science grants enlightenment and knowledge.
Reason is the only way that a person can improve.  I am typing this on a wireless keyboard.  I am using reason to understand how the language I am using can be applied to provide meaning to what I am wanting to express.  Religion defies reason.  Reason created the airplane, the wheel, allowed us to understand fire and the natural world, and then use that information to cure diseases, communicate, travel to space, and even understand how the universe works down to the atomic level. Religion would dismiss the natural world as a spectacular creation by a magical being that nobody can see or understand but that nevertheless controls everything.  Nope, not true, the universe works in a very defined and understandable way.  I drop something, it hits the ground, not because of an unknowable entity mysteriously made it fly that direction, but because gravity acted upon it.  

3. I love Netflix.  I have watched all of Arrested Development and several movies and am currently loving Californication all thanks to the beauty of Netflix and the internet.  

4. The title of this entry, and I'm sure others like it, is Solarium for the Soul.  I created this title because it describes what it is that I am wanting this blog to be.  I am a very sun-oriented person, and my mood increases dramatically in the sunlight.  A solarium is a pretty radical place for me to be because it lifts my mood so much.  I am wanting a place that can do that for my soul.  Not a mystical soul, but a soul in the literary sense.  I don't believe in a mystical soul, but I do feel a yearning for something more to help me feel complete as a person.  

5. I'll come right out and say that I feel lonely sometimes.  I have been single for a long while now and definitely prefer it that way.  I don't like feeling as though I have someone to report to, I like only having to deal with my own problems, and I like the pure freedom you can only get when you are single.  But there is a trade off for these freedoms.  Physical intimacy drops way down, and I find myself lacking a person I feel as though I really connect with.  There is nobody I know that I can discuss anything with and feel both like a peer and a person while doing it.  I have a few friends who are smarter than I, and I have many that are idiots on at least a few levels.  This leaves me feeling as though I am in a vacuum.  I have no peer that I can be around all the time and feel like myself.

Okay, enough wining for now.  I'll be back with more later, but that ought to get this blog started.
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